Google

Conflict: Not Necessarily a Bad Thing


I got yelled at tonight. Not the type of yelling that someone does when you've done something to tick someone off, but the kind of yelling that was a swift kick in the pants about something that I'm NOT doing.

I probably deserved it. I needed to hear it. But it made me edgy and I tried to make excuses.

Nope! That didn't work. I continued to get the lecture.

Now I know you are all dying to know what I did that wasn't exactly right. Mary? Got yelled at? How DARE they?

Here's what happened. Tonight my husband and I met out a friend from swimming and a woman I set him up with on a blind date. Lets call him Bill. If you read the entry that he dances to his own tune, then you've met Bill.

In my book, he's a consistent and dedicated swimmer. The lecture was about the fact that: I'M NOT.

I miss practice. I get there a tad late. And, I miss practice.

I told him I HAVE A LIFE. I have a child! I need my sleep!

He reminded me that I have a goal. I want to make nationals. I want to lower my time. I'm pretty close to doing it too.

So, here I am at 3 in the morning writing about the fact that I got yelled at. And I think it worked. I know he's right and I'm going to change my schedule around a bit so I can make the practices more often. I was going to about 3 a week instead of 4.

Earlier this week I dropped a note to friend who is an entrepreneur. He and his partner had a yelling match on the phone. I know them both well and they're both working hard at building their business. They had a disagreement and I tried to help smooth over the conflict.

I got this email from my friend that I liked:

Mary: Thank you for your insight?.Every tree that yields fruit must be shaken to get the best from the top.

So, I thought about it for a while and realized that the conflict did shake things up. It got them both out of their comfort zone. It made them think about what really was the answer to their problem. Because they didn't dance around the problem and play nice they were able to solve the issues more quickly.

I'm always the type that wants to avoid conflict. I think that a lot of people are like me. Its easier to talk things out than yell and get to the bottom line. But I see how that works.

Now I'm not proposing that anyone else should go out and confront anyone just to be able to yell at someone, but I do think that honest confronting can be exactly the thing to make someone step up to the plate, take ownership and pull their weight or change some sort of negative behavior. It's sometimes quicker than having discussion after discussion. It's certainly more memorable. And sometimes, it can get you up at 3 in the morning to blog about it!

But lets just SEE if it'll get me out of bed for 5:30am swim practice more times a week! I'm betting on YES.

Mary Gardner, The Charisma Coach! is an Executive Communications Consultant and Trainer. She works with, coaches and trains individuals, sales teams, executives, and celebrities. She owned and operated one of the first coaching institutions on the east coast, CCI, in NYC, Philly and NJ. Mary has appeared on ABC's 20/20 and has self published a book on public speaking. Mary is married to Sway and is mommy to Jeremy 5, and lives in Orlando, FL.

MORE RESOURCES:

RELATED ARTICLES

Is Your Management Style Lead By Intimidation?
So many women make the mistake of thinking that they have to be these big mean diva bosses, to get respect and cooperation from their staff and colleagues. They walk around the office huffing and puffing, never showing satisfaction at the work their staff does.
Minding Your Global Manners
To say that today's business environment is becoming increasingly more global is to state the obvious. Meetings, phone calls and conferences are held all over the world and attendees can come from any point on the globe.
Tales from the Corporate Frontlines: Work Ethics and the Customer
This article relates to the Ethics in the Workplace competency, commonly evaluated in employee surveys. It gives examples of how employees and customers consider ethical behavior and sound values an integral part of your organization.
Diversity
I know that diversity has been a big topic of conversation ever since the early 1990s when research supported the demographics that by the year 2000, 85% of the entering workforce would be female, African-American, Asian-American, Latino, or new immigrants. The fact that white males would be a minority entering the workplace was a wake up call for corporate America.
Business Ethics
There is much talk today about ethics in business - as there should be, but there should be more than talk; there should be a high moral code for all executives who are responsible to both their customers and their shareholders.I have been the president and CEO of one publicly owned company and also was president of another that was responsible to customers who traded equities.
Tales from the Corporate Frontlines: Shifting Culture and Climate in Todays Corporate World
This articles relates to the AlphaMeasure core competency Culture and Climate. AlphaMeasure defines climate as the effect an organization has on the employees, while culture refers more to the acceptable behaviors, attitudes, and habits of the organization as a whole.
Enron's Ultimate Victim: Ethics
FROM the 'MORAL HIGH GROUND', where we imagine ourselves, the Enron fiasco should have come as no surprise. Enron is simply a quintessential example of the degradation of principles such as trust, loyalty and ethical standards.
MacDonalidisation: Braverman, Taylor & Mayo
Background: George Ritzer defined McDonaldization as "..
Dont Hate Them Because Theyre Beautiful
Tonight I'm going out with two extremely impressive ladies who I am introducing to one another. They are both GORGEOUS, in their mid 20s and both incredibly intelligent.
Business Ethics: An Oxymoron
An oxymoron: the juxtaposition of contradictory words or concepts. That is what we have with the term "Business Ethics".
Ethics In The Workplace
Workplace Ethics is a subject that we have all heard of. In fact, the subject of Ethics in general is something that most people are familiar with.
Selling Truth as a Differentiator
The last few years have been a period of heightened scrutiny and scandal for the financial services industry. Most recently, the SEC issued a report on pension consultants regarding conflicts of interest and the objectivity of advice given to retirement plan sponsors.
The Deception Perception: Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain
The Deception PerceptionWithout a doubt, people would rather do business with someone they know, like, and trust. Credibility is critical.
No Credit is Due: Bad Telemarketing
Just a few minutes ago I was debating what to write about this week -- something interesting, perhaps, or maybe it was about time to give some credit to snails, I thought. Then, by some random stroke of luck, fate or writer's lightning (a term I created just now), I received a phone call from a credit card company.
Work Ethics - A Paradigm Shift
Work ethics is a hot topic in today's business and educational worlds. Yet, how do we define this hybrid phrase with the word work meaning more than a specific outcome and the word ethics being more than the values that enhance that outcome?When we say we are going to work, work becomes the place of employment.
Business Ethics: The Law of Corporate Karma
According to the shamanic traditions, the great mystery of being is that all things are alive and have a level of intelligence. This is because all things are a part of the Great Spirit.
Are You Selling Out Your Integrity?
Integrity in business is a quality that is highly under-rated by executives these days. Many executives are so "pushed and pulled" by a not so hidden force called the "profit motive" that they often find themselves compromising something that without which they could lose all credibility and trust from those they are trying to retain business from.
The Only Thing You Get for Free in Life is Hungry!
My grandfather was a very wise man. Simple but wise.
The Everyday Business Ethics Crisis Or Im Mad as Hell and Not Going to Take it Anymore
Breaking news may feature the Enron debacle, WorldCom activities, or accounting problems but we live our everyday business life making ethical choices that affect our employment and businesses. Consider the ethical choices made in these situations:-A restaurateur hired a firm, used the firm's ideas, benefited from them and refused to pay for the services rendered.
Mind Your Own Damn Business Sexcess
You have certainly heard the expression "mind your own damn business" used in a multitude of contexts. The most typical being the don't kiss and tell type statements, often uttered by responsibly private individuals about their love life.